Reminiscing Without a Reason
Here I go again in my bed thinking after I had a strange dream. The coldness outside does not help in stopping my mind in wandering to nowhere. The feeling seems undescribable. Perhaps I am just feeling a little uneasy about a certain thought that in reality may not be possible anymore.
Do not take me wrong. These are just my thoughts at this moment. It does not describe of what I will do in the future or mean this thought will have an influence over my decisions. Everyday I take decisions and I make certain I am happy with it and will feel no regrets. Hence, this thought does not relate to what I feel in general or what I will do afterwards, unless something significant happens.
Those memories gathered from several real and unplanned moments that brought me happiness in the past. Now those leave me a smile in my face. I know at present, it can no longer be possible again. An explanation of why is not sufficient to answer all questions. An answer would just make more questions than peace of mind. I would rather be quite just like what I do right now.
Never did I have courage before I got the opportunity to be and to be with someone. I know I have caused to much hurt, more than I felt in the opposite. That broken promise that will never be fulfilled. It was my fault and I feel sorry of it. Now I choose to be quite for me as a sign of respect for all appreciation and concern I felt before and perhaps until now.
That time which is opposite to the time I left. That gloomy and humid day, filled of sadness and longing will not have a happy counterpart no more. Perhaps it will have a seemingly happy counterpart but will not be on the same degree as wanted before. Now I just had dream. It does not play any significance with reality, but I feel it was a reminder of sometime in nowhere that will never happen.
Life is a journey. I must move forward and just learn from what has been. I do not regret every decision I made and I stand on it with firmness. Whatever I am thinking or feeling right now, I have taken a decision to be happy. I am not saying changing it will not make me happy, but being firm would instead promote more happiness, less stress and complexity for myself and most number of people, as well.
Thank you for reading my personal note for tonight.