Being a Mother: A Perspective of a Son
Today, we remember the love, passion and enthusiasm of all mothers in the world. This is quite timely since in a paternalistic worldview, women are still considered crucial part of the existence of men. There have been ofcourse positive progress compared to few decades ago. However, evidently there is still inequality between gender, such assuming the mother role in the family is considered submissive still to a man-dominated arena. This will not be however be the focus of this blogspot. I will present a perspective not everyone are keen to write on - a son's perspective of being a mother.
This post will not be as objective as possible ofcourse. Being a person who will never understand at its full the magnitude of being a mother, there might be exaggerations and inaccuracies in my descriptions and explanations. Nevertheless, this will present some of the challenges every mother confronts daily, which everyone should appreciate.
Hoping for a better version of the father
The most convenient person to compare a son with is with his father. Naturally, before a mother got a son, she had first a husband to be with. Ofcourse no husband is perfect. Worse, wives have only one choice - to accept whatever imperfections their husbands have. Mothers have even little influence to aid in improving these imperfections in a male-dominated environment so the frustration goes to how a mother raises her son eventually. Bringing up a son maybe a little less difficult than changing the ways of a husband. This is the reason why mothers react in a certain way towards their sons. In their minds, they have both a standard to reach and a hurdle to overcome. This is what we call the mother's irony.
Difficulty in differentiating a boy and a man
Psychologically speaking, there is a different and unique connection between son and mothers, the so-called Oedipus complex. Many would disagree that this is a standard rule, but mothers truly have a different way of dealing with their sons. They nurture them, but guide them in a way to treat other women well. That responsibility is a serious one. Should a mother fail on this, she makes other women's life difficult. However due to this motherly task, mothers keep their eyes on their sons. When their son's get older, they find it difficult to distinguish a son and a man. Their grown-up son will always be a little boy for them in a way. Quite challenging for both to deal but understandable.
It is all about communication and time
As we become older, the connection between children and their mother weakens. The communication lines are seemingly fading. The priorities of sons and daughters are changing. They become men and women, perhaps parents as well. This creates an inevitable distance, making mothers feel uncomfortable to the new situation - being at a side, a constrast to assuming the primary role of nurturing the family. There is nothing else most reassuring but to allot more time talking and being with our mothers. It will never compensate to whatever emotional discomfort they feel, but certainly it will alleviate them and make our mothers happy.
I chose to write a post using this viewpoint because it is suitable in making a social contrast between a son belonging to a paternalistic-friendly environment and a mother nurturing and supporting this mileau, regardless how this affects her. Mothers are very tough individuals. No matter how they have brought us up. The fact remains no one exists in this world without them. In fact, through their wombs, they are the first to sacrifice for us to deliver us healthy. Sons or daughters all of us are to a mother who made sure we become now who we are.