Conozco Pablo

There is one awkward truth that I can admit easily - I tend to withdraw from people who makes me uncomfortable directly and indirectly. By withdrawing meaning I suddenly cut or wane in my communication with them. This is because of a discomfort I felt brought about by my action or theirs. Those actions are not necessarily wrong in terms of ethics, customs or morals. Nonetheless, I can not withstand acting pleasant and amiable infront of people who makes me uncomfortable. This blogpost is about this. The discomfort of being with people who badly pretends to accept you. Sometimes, there is a disconnect between what others say in words and what they convey in actions. The ambivalence results in confusion, and eventually stress and discomfort. Worse, if the negating actions are too evident, such that the disconnect is easily detected. The discomfort becomes more complex as the other person bears now the responsibility to deal with the confusing situation, either to confront or veer away fr...

  When the pandemic "officially" began last March 2020, I was quite confused on how I would be able to cope with the restrictions alone without my family and weak social network as an working immigrant in Norway. I had some unresolved personal problems with my family, friends and even at work. I was working full-time as a health care provider, as well has begun my Masters degree in Norway to further open more opportunities for me in the future. I had actually experienced a lot since I was young, but since the pandemic "has ended", I can now conclude that I underestimated the effects of the pandemic, and this blogpost is all about my pandemic experience. No man is an island, but select carefully who surrounds you. Humans are social beings. This is a fact. However, being alone as newly-established immigrant in Oslo, Norway. I really do not have so much alternatives. I knew few people because I was quite selective on who I will communicate with. This is something I lea...

  Who is your genuine friend? A friend everlasting. Confidant whose trust and company longlasting Who you are acquainted with since you're young? Not bothersome even at your slips of the tongue Or a person who holds your deep secrets now? A newbie but faithfully with you honoring a vow Or who when you are together initiates a spark? Fun, compelling - others pass not such benchmark. Or who saved you previously, but currently gone? From being present to swiftly quiet and withdrawn Or who is there, available but we opt not to talk? Positive yet communication reaching deadlock. Or who's different, deviant but still cares for us Contrasting behaviours, but open. That is a plus. Or who is like you? But chooses you not first Annoying, such a heartache that feels to burst Or who is there constantly when you need them Not buts and ifs, present and near. That is a gem. Or who you select to be with you though sadly absent Treating you inferior and unworthy like a fragment Or who you can c...

I admit that I am one of those individuals who have increased tendency to have an exaggerated interest into something or someone. I do not easily give up such thought unless I see literally no practical, logical and essential advantage something or someone has on me, or the disadvantages extremely outweighs the benefits of holding unto such. This is what I experience right now, but I admit it is still a challenge in its essence. This will be my personal journey of fixing my fixation. Starts with discomfort. Sensing the first signs of discomfort is quite difficult when one is fixated unto something or someone. The mind ignores all negative signs, and worse attempts to argue in defense of the fixation. The cycle repeats itself, and the fixation gets worse and stronger through time. The discomfort seems unseen, even though obvious telltale signs are present. The person may see them after sometime, but underestimates its presence and possible consequences. Enduring and neglecti...