Fixing the Fixation


I admit that I am one of those individuals who have increased tendency to have an exaggerated interest into something or someone. I do not easily give up such thought unless I see literally no practical, logical and essential advantage something or someone has on me, or the disadvantages extremely outweighs the benefits of holding unto such. This is what I experience right now, but I admit it is still a challenge in its essence. This will be my personal journey of fixing my fixation.

Starts with discomfort.

Sensing the first signs of discomfort is quite difficult when one is fixated unto something or someone. The mind ignores all negative signs, and worse attempts to argue in defense of the fixation. The cycle repeats itself, and the fixation gets worse and stronger through time. The discomfort seems unseen, even though obvious telltale signs are present. The person may see them after sometime, but underestimates its presence and possible consequences.

Enduring and neglecting the pain.

When the discomfort becomes constant and frequent, the pain becomes more obvious and severe inspite of repeated attempts to ignore it. The next phase is just to live with the pain. But how? This is where most optimists like me fail. To endure the pain, one must have to have a strong sense of hope that the discomfort will eventually diminish and eventually end. That romantic thought of suddenly things will be better, but in reality, far from it. However, that dreamy state is sufficient enough to keep one from enduring the pain while convincing oneself that it is the righteous, purposeful and advantageous to do for oneself and all. 

Keeping the feeling of numbness.

However, the situation gets worse. The dream of getting better never gets real. It becomes more elusive as time passes by. Then, the fixated person learns to deal with the feeling of pain. The pain threshold gets higher, until the person gets numb. Regardless of what negative stimulus one gets, the person just never reacts. He is getting accustomed to the pain, and worse finds existential meaning of being numb through mere living and stoic existing. The situation gets hopeless and aimless, while the person eventually loses the sense of direction, self-respect and self-worth. Everything goes as if that person accepts literally anything as long as the fixation continues.

Sudden decision to break-free.

Then, this phase may occur suddenly - the decision to be free. This is difficult and almost non-achievable. However, one thing could lead to freedom - the threat to one's existence. When the person drowns into the abyss of hopelessness of fixation, the person either opts to resign completely to such thought, or gets a sudden kick of motivation to break-free when one realizes that a guaranteed self-destruction is imminent and something has to be done to reverse the deleterious process. It takes only a moment for someone to recognize this threat. It seems this threat is more potent than the discomfort from the fixation. The person realizes that there are two options: one's end, or the fixation's end. Unfortunately, some people choose the former, but luckily in my part, I opted for the latter. 

Determination to continue unfixated.

Once the decision has been made and initiated, the next step is keep going unfixated. This takes time, and requires immense self-determination, as well as support from family and friends. The formerly fixated, "newly-released" individual must undergo the tedious process of unlearning. The mind has to acknowledge that life without the fixation is feasible and beneficial. The mind has to remain steadfast to make a clear distinction between the painful past and the present/future, such that no idea should be entertained to return into the fixation again. There are no gray areas, just black and white. Here, the support of significant others is crucial. One must not feel alone in the major decision to continue moving on, to feel better unfixated.

Well, I can say I have experienced lately my greatest fixation in life. I would not really want to be influence on it, until I was forcibly pushed over my threshold of comfort. There I woke up. Suddenly, I realized I was already heading towards self-destruction, and thus a drastic immediate change is necessary. I never thought I could get over the stage of ambivalence to initiate change, but one day, I dropped the bomb. So, that fixation will never be the same again. In simpler terms, never again. 

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