Being with people who makes you uncomfortable
There is one awkward truth that I can admit easily - I tend to withdraw from people who makes me uncomfortable directly and indirectly. By withdrawing meaning I suddenly cut or wane in my communication with them. This is because of a discomfort I felt brought about by my action or theirs. Those actions are not necessarily wrong in terms of ethics, customs or morals. Nonetheless, I can not withstand acting pleasant and amiable infront of people who makes me uncomfortable. This blogpost is about this.
The discomfort of being with people who badly pretends to accept you.
Sometimes, there is a disconnect between what others say in words and what they convey in actions. The ambivalence results in confusion, and eventually stress and discomfort. Worse, if the negating actions are too evident, such that the disconnect is easily detected. The discomfort becomes more complex as the other person bears now the responsibility to deal with the confusing situation, either to confront or veer away from the person.
The discomfort of being with people who are so intense at first, then almost nothing shortly after.
This is comparable to burning a dry bush. It burns very intense in the first few minutes, then burns out fast. The short intense phase creates expectations, and so the latter phase of dwindling interest results in discomfort, especially the person who expects most. The person who expects most is like in a limbo, confused of what intentions are really in the first place, and why such interest change in a very short span of time.
The discomfort of being underestimated and taken for granted.
Not being recognized as the person with worth and capabilities is very painful. However, not all people could recognize these capacities every individual has. People may not have the time and desire to know every other individual they meet, so this is quite normal. However, once a person has repeated communicated with another, it is quite normal that an expectation arises for at least being acknowledge as the person one really is.
The discomfort of being extremely and repeatedly lied to even you know the truth.
Truth hurts, but continued and pervasive lies are even hurtful, especially when the truth is already known. The person who lies may intentionally liked manipulating the other, but the person who was somehow cheated maybe weak enough to confront both the trust and habit of dishonesty. This creates an endless cycle of discomfort and lies that becomes even worse in time.
The discomfort of being with people you have limited to talk about.
Let us put language and cultural barriers aside. However, there are times that we are just too polite to admit to others that both of you share few interests together. It is acceptable perhaps to adjust the expectations between. I myself have topics I can talk about for hours if I am given the chance, but if I can not even touch on this topic because I was warned not to, so I guess it is better not to be with that person at all.
The discomfort of being with people you extremely hurt before.
The guilt of hurting another haunts one person, especially when the reason and the situation has not been thoroughly talked about or explained. That creates awkwardness in the social interactions between in the near future. The person hurt should be reassured that either hurt was unintentional, or the mistake should have never taken place. While the person who caused the hurt should either be remorseful and at least sorry for the discomfort caused.
The discomfort of being with individuals who could harm you.
Harming another directly and indirectly, either physically or psychologically should never be tolerated, and thus once an individual has crossed this line, the other person should permanently cut all ties with the person. Thus, being with the person who once harmed another creates a tremendous stress and discomfort to the person hurt.
I think I am not alone in feeling discomfort of enduring these situations. But what makes me different perhaps is my solution to the discomfort - drastic, quite abrupt change in communication. People might interpret this as a childish act. Perhaps, it is, especially without notice or any further explanation. However, I would attempt to defend my action by reiterating that it takes a long time for me to think, reconsider and reevaluate the discomfort. Thus, before I eventually make the seeming dramatic change, I have expressed my worry, concern and even warning that I may do such thing. So, when I have reached that high threshold of mine, I just do it. Break free from the discomfort, not just for the my convenience and comfort, but for both.
Post a Comment