Being with people who makes you uncomfortable

There is one awkward truth that I can admit easily - I tend to withdraw from people who makes me uncomfortable directly and indirectly. By withdrawing meaning I suddenly cut or wane in my communication with them. This is because of a discomfort I felt brought about by my action or theirs. Those actions are not necessarily wrong in terms of ethics, customs or morals. Nonetheless, I can not withstand acting pleasant and amiable infront of people who makes me uncomfortable. This blogpost is about this.

The discomfort of being with people who badly pretends to accept you.

Sometimes, there is a disconnect between what others say in words and what they convey in actions. The ambivalence results in confusion, and eventually stress and discomfort. Worse, if the negating actions are too evident, such that the disconnect is easily detected. The discomfort becomes more complex as the other person bears now the responsibility to deal with the confusing situation, either to confront or veer away from the person.

The discomfort of being with people who are so intense at first, then almost nothing shortly after.

This is comparable to burning a dry bush. It burns very intense in the first few minutes, then burns out fast. The short intense phase creates expectations, and so the latter phase of dwindling interest results in discomfort, especially the person who expects most. The person who expects most is like in a limbo, confused of what intentions are really in the first place, and why such interest change in a very short span of time.

The discomfort of being underestimated and taken for granted.

Not being recognized as the person with worth and capabilities is very painful. However, not all people could recognize these capacities every individual has. People may not have the time and desire to know every other individual they meet, so this is quite normal. However, once a person has repeated communicated with another, it is quite normal that an expectation arises for at least being acknowledge as the person one really is.

The discomfort of being extremely and repeatedly lied to even you know the truth.

Truth hurts, but continued and pervasive lies are even hurtful, especially when the truth is already known. The person who lies may intentionally liked manipulating the other, but the person who was somehow cheated maybe weak enough to confront both the trust and habit of dishonesty. This creates an endless cycle of discomfort and lies that becomes even worse in time.

The discomfort of being with people you have limited to talk about.

Let us put language and cultural barriers aside. However, there are times that we are just too polite to admit to others that both of you share few interests together. It is acceptable perhaps to adjust the expectations between. I myself have topics I can talk about for hours if I am given the chance, but if I can not even touch on this topic because I was warned not to, so I guess it is better not to be with that person at all.

The discomfort of being with people you extremely hurt before.

The guilt of hurting another haunts one person, especially when the reason and the situation has not been thoroughly talked about or explained. That creates awkwardness in the social interactions between in the near future. The person hurt should be reassured that either hurt was unintentional, or the mistake should have never taken place. While the person who caused the hurt should either be remorseful and at least sorry for the discomfort caused.

The discomfort of being with individuals who could harm you.

Harming another directly and indirectly, either physically or psychologically should never be tolerated, and thus once an individual has crossed this line, the other person should permanently cut all ties with the person. Thus, being with the person who once harmed another creates a tremendous stress and discomfort to the person hurt.

I think I am not alone in feeling discomfort of enduring these situations. But what makes me different perhaps is my solution to the discomfort - drastic, quite abrupt change in communication. People might interpret this as a childish act. Perhaps, it is, especially without notice or any further explanation. However, I would attempt to defend my action by reiterating that it takes a long time for me to think, reconsider and reevaluate the discomfort. Thus, before I eventually make the seeming dramatic change, I have expressed my worry, concern and even warning that I may do such thing. So, when I have reached that high threshold of mine, I just do it. Break free from the discomfort, not just for the my convenience and comfort, but for both.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular This Week

3 Comparisons Between Norwegian and Filipino Values

Image
I am entering my fifth year of residing in Norway. Many things have happened during this short period of time, both good and bad. However, one of that is worthy to highlight is how I realized the big contrast between prevailing values between Norwegian and Filipino cultures. I can only talk about these two in particular, although there are somehow similiraties between the Norwegian culture with those of coming from Europe, as well that with Filipino and other Asian societies. This blogpost will present three comparative points to exhibit the diversity of culture. COMPARISON 1 Norwegian: Able decide independently for oneself Filipino: To fight for what is most important Freedom and passion may not be on the same side always. Freedom is the ultimate virtue in the Norwegian culture. One may or may not be passionate of what Norwegians are doing, but most important is that they decided on them by themselves, such that no one has dictated on them what they are supposed to do.
Read more

Cebuano: The Language and The People

Image
Living in Norway for over 2 years, I have often encountered questions about the languages I speak. I usually answered I speak Norwegian, English and two Filipino languages. Then, people start asking if the second Filipino language is a dialect of the other. Given my mother tongue is Cebuano, the second language referred, I abruptly debunk the misconcept that it is a mere dialect. My most common explanation is that all Filipinos speak the Filipino language, but those who only learn to speak Filipino have difficult time understanding or communicating with one speaking Cebuano. Throughout the span of my childhood, I got to grasp the political and cultural differences of Filipinos speaking Filipino language or Tagalog as referred by most, and those coming from the Southern Philippines speaking Cebuano. The language in itself has become the boundary between the two groups of people. Due to their innate differences, misunderstandings result, not because of mere language confusion, but of cu
Read more

Crab Mentality among Filipinos

Image
Many times people get accused of possessing the Filipino negative trait of crab mentality. It is  a state wherein people act like crabs when put inside a basket or a container, pull each other down for them to get out from it. One must further dissect the magnitude of the problem and reasons behind it to distinguish ways on how to deal with it and perhaps minimize it. One of my Facebook friend said that crab mentality among Filipinos is already a disease. The way she said it, it seems crab mentality can no longer be cured and is highly contagious. It is quite true because based on my observation, we can notice crab mentality everywhere. One time I made a comment in Youtube about one issue that lead some Filipino netizens to react. I was expecting they will provide further valuable insights about what I said. I have no problem with others disagreeing with my thoughts, given that everyone is entitled with their own thoughts. Suprisingly, one of those who commented, criticized my u
Read more

Debt of Gratitude: A Filipino Social Phenomenon

Image
"Scratch my back and I will scratch yours." - This describes the prevailing Filipino social phenomenon of debt of gratitude. It is an attempt of one to repay the other, who in the past had done something good or beneficial to him or her. This has been magnified by other social phenomena such as the continued emigration of Filipino workers outside the Philippines, such that remittances are actually in the form of payment to their families, as an expression of long-lasting debt of gratitude. This is just an example of how this phenomenon has shaped the Filipino society and culture. In this blogpost, an in-depth analysis will be made to showcase the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomena, as various concepts and ideas revolving around it are enumerated throughout the discussion. 1. It exists in any type of relationship; familial, working, spiritual and others. Because of man's social nature, there will be periods of self-sufficiency and vulnerability. During time
Read more

Filipino Body Language

Image
Non-verbal communication is an essential part in a society, as well as understanding the values the community believe in. This reflects a good overview of how communication and tradition have evolved through time. These expressions are never constant, such that meaning changes from time to time, and is greatly affected by the events or the kind of environment one belongs in. Filipinos, being a society with mixed Asian and Western influences have unique facial and body expressions. These are the focus of this blogpost. 1. Silent stare Stares could mean evil look for Filipinos. It may indicate sarcasm or manipulation. It is considered rude to this, especially when in a conversation because it may also indicate disinterest or disrespect. 2. Lip/Eye pointing This is quiet funny gesture common not just in the rural areas, but also in urban communities. It is quiet hard to explain the direction in verbal language, so it is better to point them vaguely, interestingly with the use of lips,
Read more

Bullying: A Part of Filipino Culture?

Image
Bullying became a hot topic in Norway today after a young teenager died of emaciation due to eating disorder that was primarily linked to anxiety from bullying at school. This was quite taboo in this Scandinavian country, given the nation is very keen on respecting socio-cultural differences and on protection against any form of discrimination. Discussions have been made on how to handle and prevent bullying and who takes the responsibility in these cases, whether the family, school or the State. Personally, I was not reacting in anyway as my mind says the concept is remote and almost impossible to happen in the Philippines. Perhaps, I was referring it to death, but not to bullying. However, after several days I was quite uneasy on the topic and further asked myself if I was ever bullied before and what it has caused me in the long-term basis. To my surprise, bullying was a crucial point in my childhood. My coping skills allowed me to hide in my consciousness what had happened
Read more

7 Reasons Why Many Filipinos are Good Singers

Image
One thing that makes me proud of being Filipino is that there are many good singers in our country. I am not saying that the Philippines has the best singers in the world, but it is obvious that many Filipinos have showed to the world the God-given talent they have. 1. Parents encourage their children to develop their singing talents Children singing old songs and acting as if the song fits them well. Love songs, rock, whatever genre songs maybe Filipino children can sing that. Some even report that children learn humming a melody before able to speak well. Ofcourse, parents are very crucial in the development of this talents. If a talent has been acknowledged at an early age, this provides time for child to improve his or her talent in singing. Watch the newly-launced TV show Voice Kids Philippines. 2. Competition helps produce more good singers The most-watched Television shows in the Philippines are singing competition. Most artists are discovered in these platform
Read more

Solve: Why Math is Hard?

Image
Before I became a nurse, teacher, licensed real estate appraiser, I became first as a mathematics lover. Some consider me a geek then, but I was not, I just simply love the logic of mathematics. Now, I can say my mathematics skills have deteriorated significantly, when I am confronted with numbers, I do not leave my chair not until I somehow figure out what could be the problem. So, why then mathematics is difficult to many of us? Is there something can be done? Mathematics is much more than counting and simple arithmetic. It is a cumulative science in which new results are built upon and depend on earlier results. Humans have accumulated a huge amount of mathematical knowledge – far    more than a person can learn in a lifetime, even if the person spent all of their time studying mathematics. This history perhaps will give us the impression the necessity of mathematics. We may not appreciate the subject, but it useful because without it, the world will end up in chaos, for sure
Read more

10 Sociocultural Differences Between Norway and the Philippines

Image
Soon, I would mark my sixth year of living in Norway. It is difficult to sum up the past six years in few words. A lot of things I have experienced, and many people I have encountered. At least, I could say I have learned a lot during this period. However, what makes it more challenging for me as an immigrant in Norway is the contrast in cultures and social norms between my home country, the Philippines and Norway. Both countries were ranked high in different survey of happiness, depending on how happiness is defined on these surveys. And this concept of happiness is reflected in the norms in both countries. In this blogpost, I would enumerate ten of these cultural differences. 1.         Love for nature I could say that both Philippines and Norway have been blessed with beautiful landscapes. Philippines is known for its beaches, while Norway has fjords giving way to beautiful unique sceneries not found in other countries. However, there is a big difference betwee
Read more

Online Bashing Tells About the Basher

Image
Online bashing has become very common in social media. It seems everyone who makes mistakes maybe a subject of ridicule and criticism. The  major disadvantage and difference of a usual physical attack and online bashing is its anonymity and scale. Many bashers would hide themselves anonymous and gain more confidence to attack verbally the person at hand. Moreover, since the online space is literally unlimited so anyone could literally read comments and opinions, further aggravating and even tolerating the verbal attack. This makes online bashing as a grear threat to anyone in the social media today. On its essence, online bashing is a non-physical verbal highly partisan and personal attack on an individual expressing dissent, non-comformity, irrelevance and weakness in being at par or within a certain standard of discourse or behavior, with the aim of influencing others to do the same against the person, express an opinion and either directly and indirectly gain from it. By this long
Read more