The Option B: Coping and Moving On

I was trying to find a good book at Changi Airport in Singapore on my way to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I do not have anything in mind when suddenly something caught my attention, The Option B. It was just at an impulse that I decided buying it. Started browsing at it at the hotel in KL. Then, I realized that the book somehow captured a recent event in my life, and today I could say I am living a life contentedly reflective of an Option B.

Yes. That is correct. If I may turn back time, I would want to pursue Option A, but nothing can be done to do so. What has been done is done. What had happened is already irreversible. Thus, I must continue living a life, unapologetic of not attaining Option A but still happy pursuing for a possible Option B. Thanks for the 3 P's method: Pervasiveness, Permanence and Personalization. These three helped me understand objectively sort out my thoughts and reflect on my feelings to better cope with problems.

Pervasiveness

When we lose or fail, we feel awful to the point everything in our life seems to be affected. Some of us lose the appetite to eat, miss the focus and will to work or even do something productive or collectively with others, and even talk to people as a sign of isolating oneself. Understandibly, when one feels bad, everything seems to be incorrect, bad and non-sense. However, what one should remember that a person is not composed of one facet. If one fails on one area, others would and could still either be improved or remain the same. A mistake is therefore an end to a person's ability to be creative and chance to succeed on other areas of one's life, or not on other similar endeavours on the same area one has failed. Everything is possible indeed.

Permanence

Losing something maybe permanent. However, the feeling of sadness will never be permanent. Even during major trials and tragedies, people could still find reasons and ways to simple or have an emotional ease. The mind could never be in a forever gruesome state of melancholy. Yes, things do not change by merely forgetting in a moment or even by smiling. The problem or lost still exists, but the sadness associated with will eventually fade through time. It maybe gradually diminishing, but it is a proof the negative emotion is not permanent. Therefore, the moment one feels better even at the slightest degree, one is prepared to accept and pursue for Option B, a happy life not fixated of not having Option A.

Personalization

It is not always our fault. We take responsibilities of our actions and its consequences. However, it should also be clear in our mind that mishaps, failures are not purely due to our inadequacies and misdoings. There are causes and influences that may not be within our control, or just simply occur as part of nature. Others could actually cause our negative actions. No one could simply take the entire blame. Occurences are most of the time multifactorial. Understanding and knowing each factor may lessen guilt or shame one feels, which primarily hinders one's coping.

Our doing is different from our being. This is the first thing I heard from a helpful stranger that made my gloomy day better. It is true that our mistakes and even our achievements do not define who we are. We are because it is who we believe we are. We define who we are, and become better through our social interactions with the people who matters to us. Nothing is more important aside from what makes us better individuals. Therefore, accepting mistakes, not regreting of the past, moving on, and finding (better) alternatives are what one could do cope well and not lost track to becoming better.