My Atypical Father


Today (July 19, 2017) is the 58th birthday of my father. This is perhaps the second time I will be writing about him in my blog. It is not too often that I talk about my father because perhaps we have an unusual father-son relationship. I can say it is not easy to describe how he is as a father, but there are ofcourse highlights that somehow characterizes him as a person and a family member.

Similar facial features and temper

Obviously, I share some physical features with my father. That is not ofcourse surprising. However, not everyone knows that my temper is almost similar to his. Ofcourse, only my family knows what I am talking about. I have changed a lot since I lived in Norway and that temper problem have improved a lot. But my father and I have similar tendencies on this aspect. Once we believe on something, even though it is quite distorted, we try to find reasons and ideas to justify and make it real. No discussions could mitigate that, except ofcourse time that allows us to understand what we actually did and said.

Goal-oriented but maybe unfocused

When my father wants something, he would think ahead of what it would take to achieve it. He is goal-oriented but very realistic and practical. Perhaps he realized early that life is not as easy as one thought first so being effective and grounded to reality greatly helps. He does not aspire very high, but attempts to make a change primarily for his benefit and secondarily for others. However, I see things are not easy still for him. He gets distracted sometimes and somehow lose his balance. Fortunately, he regains control though that itself takes time.

Unmaximized potentials

My father is actually an efficient person and problem-solver. I actually got my first lessons of logic from him. He could have attained higher and better in his life, but due to unfavorable socioeconomic conditions, he was not able to fulfill his dreams. One could notice his regrets and frustrations as to this day. It is difficult to undo what has happened in the past, but I actually tried to achieve as high as I could to make him feel he was doing it for himself. Unfortunately, things happen sometimes not according to what we want and will.

Social role fixated

He is actually believer of machismo society, where a man acts as a dominant influence of the lives around him. I honestly do not believe that works at all times. Ironically, he is not afraid to say to relieve his authority to others, but just do not forget that he still has a say on things. The balance of being and getting involved is actually perplexing for me to understand. For years, I am still struggling to find that balance.

A hope for change

Everytime there is a major change in the family, my father adjusts accordingly. He may not like a team player always but at least he reacts positively at times. His actions are seemingly unpredictable. That makes it more complicated. Although recently, he takes good care of my nephew and attempted to lose weight for his health. That is I guess something worthy to note. A small change but hope in itself.

Yes. Writing this blogpost is not easy. I could not tell everything about us as a family here ofcourse. I wanted to write a poem but it is quite heavy for me to handle. Things take time. I can say he is not a perfect father and sometimes we only see those imperfections. I admit I am far from the sweet and caring son he could have. I hope he even does not regret of having a son like me. I am always hopeful for things to become better for him. And for those who judge us for not taking good care of our father, you will never understand all sides. He is my father and I do not forget that. He is also a person who needs to deal with others. That is something that makes him my atypical father.

Happy Birthday Tay. I truly care for you. It is just hard to express it. I hope you appreciate our efforts. I love you.

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