When I am taking the train
Almost everyday I ride the train either through the subway or the regional train. I can not deny that everytime I take the train I have mixed emotions that it is hard to explain. Now I try to be objective and put meaning to this feeling for others to learn and understand.
Feeling of urgency
Every minute counts. When I think of the train, I always run not to miss it, or else I have to wait for several minutes, either exposed to cold or risking to be late at work, which provides a very bad impression for me. This sense of urgency makes me feel that my life seems to pass so fast that I have to treasure every moment of it. Furthermore, the train provides a great reminder to live my life everyday, and not worrying too much of what the future will bring to me. Doing so makes me happy and enjoy life as much as I could and want.
Feeling of longing
The first thing I did after arriving in Norway is ride the regional train to Oslo. I can not forget how I felt when I was inside that train journey. I was with my sister's friends, who took me from the airport to where I will stay. I immediately missed my family, friends and life I left in my home country. I know my life would be different after quite some time and changes truly happened after that. Although, this seems to be sad, but I take this sadness as a hurdle for me to overcome, that I have a good reason why I am here in Norway - that is to provide better living for myself and the people I left behind, my friends and family.
Feeling of ambivalence
Everytime I take the metro train usually in the weekends for work in the nursing home, I fear about what to expect during my duty. Most of the time, I am assigned in a new place or will be working with a new set of colleagues everytime. This results for me to feel ambivalent, whether to go on for the duty or not. However, I do not have a choice because I need to accomplish my duty no matter how difficult and long it will be. This ambivalence, however is short-lived when my duty starts. I always prove myself wrong that I should not doubt my capacity to do the job I do. I have deficiencies still, but I am working on it for the better. This pexperience provides me a realization that work is not for money, but a moral obligation to the society to help others and make others feel that someone cares for them still.
Feeling of anticipation
Taking the train is also a way to meet friends and family members, especially when there is an agreed time to be spent with. This gives me a sense of excitement, given that after a short or long journey, I would feel comfortable with that person, sharing experiences and lessons learned in a very limited time. This includes the time spent going home everyday. There is this feeling of anticipation that after a long day of work, I will have time to relax and be with my sister at home. The happiness and anticipation seem to be temporary but it provides me the inspiration and motivation. That sometimes I may feel down and sad, but there will always be a time that I will be taking the train filled with joy and excitement of spending time with the people, who matters to me in this newly-found home country.
Personally, the train is not just a means of public transportation, it is a symbol of my dream in Norway and the stories and difficulties associated with working thousands of kilometers away from home and starting again in a strange rich country with an impressive environment and system and difficult language. Indeed, the train makes me realize that everyday is a challenge for me to find the balance between moving towards my dream and remaining happy and contented. :-)