When You Lose Someone
Some days in our lives are different from the usual. One day you meet one person in your life you would cherish for a period of time. Another day would be the time everything you gave was reciprocated. Then the day came when things started to change negatively. Then it became worse the next day, then the trend continued for several days and perhaps months. But there were still days, you still hope a positive change could happen. Then positive changes came once, but you lost thrice. You became sad but the downfall persisted. And lastly, today you realize you just have to give up. You finally lost someone by giving up.
But hey you know what is interesting when you already reached the lowest point? It is actually not the worst you had experienced. This article is all about trying to console those who have experience losing someone and eventually giving up all the hopes you had.
You actually hurt most in the beginning and in the midst of it.
You remember the first time you realize something is not going right. You deny. You create alibis for yourself that the truth is false. You exaggerate though, and that does not help either. The pain is just starting to build up, but feeling it day by day is like trying to survive in a desert. The thirst and hunger is enormous that it does not just overwhelm you, but also cause you tremendous incomparable pain. You question why these things are happening. You start blaming yourself, then you are not just a recipient of pain, also you are inflicting pain to yourself. You get angry then commit more mistakes. You lose focus and seems equilibrium is far from your reach. It feels bad at first, then it gets worse and worse, until you develop a temporary mask to protect yourself from feeling the pain.
You became numb in the process.
Day after another, you tolerate more pain. The more pain, the more you learn how to deal with it. Until the day comes, you become numb. It feels like something, but never like as it was yesterday. You throw yourself to the sea of pain, but several minutes after you never feel anything. It does not mean though you do not think negative. There are still flashbacks. You cry at times unexpectedly. But the by-product of the endless cycle of pain is an amount of numbness. Being numb though is not totally advantageous. It frees you from feeling the full extent of pain, but the source is still there. That numbness is collected day by day until the last phase comes. The ultimate phase begins when you finally release the source of pain, rather than temporarily masking the pain.
On the last phase, you just do not care about anything.
Whatever hurt you would in the last phase, those seem nothing from what you had before. The intensity of pain maybe increasing. But you become cynical and more numb as time goes by. You realize you have you have good characteristics and personal strengths. Those were the things being neglected. You do not care if the person you lost is seeing you in a negative light. This is because you see your worth now more than ever. This time you see your worth is the better than the person you lost. You have more alternatives and time. You lost that person, but that person lost you as well. That person lost a precious stone he or she could keep. Now is the time to develop oneself for the better, to be more worthy not for others, but for yourself.
Yes, it hurts to lose someone. However, knowing that this is not first time you experienced it is both a good and bad one. It is bad because no one could guarantee this would be the last. One could lose someone again in the future. The same process. The same kind of hurt, but another person. Nevertheless, it is still good. Here comes seeing things with a silver lining. It was not the first, and you have learned a lot from the previous experiences. Some stupid things have not changed though. The reason why for several times your heart has been shattered. You obviously did not learn the lesson, and so here comes another heartbreak. You will continue to make the same mistakes in the future, if you would not even be willing to change. For certain, doing so will make some good at least.
To my self, I never imagined writing in my blog again. Yes, you are hurt. It has been like this for months. However, now I have been making concrete steps to move away. Stop playing around the situation. No more games, just leave. Drop the ball and go straight ahead. You wasted so much time. You have not lost someone today. That person lost you from the day the negative changes occurred. You hoped and lost someone, but now you gained another chance. A chance primarily to love yourself again more than anyone else.