Three Years Ago: The Roller Coaster Ride
It was exactly this time three years ago when I arrived in Norway. I never thought how much learning I gained in that period of time. The feeling of anxiety was the prominent feeling I had. I was then attempting to embark in one of the most challenging roller coaster ride in my life. The thrill was there, but there were sad points and ofcourse there were reasons for elation. This is the focus of this blogpost as a mark of triumph and courage as an adult individual.
Most of those that concerned me most involves my home country.
Being a Filipino, I had the intention to help others. I admit I was to naive to use this as a reason to continue a work that never was working in the first place. I was thinking I was helping other Filipinos, but I never had the control of that aid primarily. Unfortunately, nightmare happened when things failed for me and for those who I intended to help. I felt hopeless, and more them who were continued to cling on their hopes. Sadly, I am being blamed for leading for that supposedly aid or facilitation. I honestly did everything I could, but I leaned on the wrong rock and that was the biggest mistake I had so far in my life. I regret the first 18 months of my stay in Norway, in terms of work. I was literally used, manipulated and made to believe. Who am I in this country? No one, especially in that initial years of my stay. I hope things will be better for those I failed. It will in one way or another, but perhaps not exactly what we all want to be.
Ofcourse, my family in the Philippines gave the most emotional burden I must say. To be fair with them, they were supportive, sufficiently understanding and compassionate with me. Thet have sacrificed a lot for us. Yes, as a Filipino, I know I must show respect to them. However, I hope it could be better when it applies to money. I am feeling that I a cashcow in a way. I am sending not that much in comparison to what other Filipinos are sending. But the idea is something I am not agreeing entirely, so the amount would not justify being force to literally waste resources for short-lived pleasure, wants and pseudo-needs. To send money must be voluntarily both the act, its frequency and quantity. In the first place, we do not produce money like hens lay eggs. We should not also feel bad of not sending in anyway or even to a slightest degree. Being away from home, losing identity and culture, being depressed in one time or more, being mocked and underestimated for what one can do, and to subject oneself to immense unpredictability, change and stress are sufficient reasons to reasons to respect us, who work abroad and our decisions with regards to what we earn and do to the money we earned.
Surprisingly, most of what makes me have a break revolves around what Norway has.
To be honest, it took time for me to at least like my stay in Norway. I know from Day One that Norway is a rich and beautiful land, with lots of opportunities with it. One has just to sacrifice and invest time, effort and resources for one to adapt perfectly well. I did all those things I guess. However, I admit there were people, who enabled me to cope better. They were so-called catalysts to that transition period. Suprisingly, they were not Filipinos, but Norwegians. Even with my brown skin and relatively broken Norwegian, I tried to communicate with them. Slowly, I got to appreciate what the tradition, culture and history of this land. They made me realize myself that Norway is not just a workplace, but my second home. I am not there yet to say I belong to my second home, but day-by-day I get more reasons to stay permanently and push for a life and career in Norway. I am excited personally to take that journey in Norway. I know I will learn more and get to know the country that gave me the opportunities I have now.
Given Norway provided me with the resources I need and support my wants, I am forever thankful for this land. What I earn before per hour is just approximately one-eighth of what I got in the Philippines. That is a big difference and leap to think I earn not bad in the Philippines. I had a good career there to start with. Using those reasources from Norway, I got to buy what I need and want. There was a leeway for me to use my money in haste or without reason, without being subjected to financial burden. I was able to travel, maybe alone, with someone, with friends, or with my sister. In the last year, I promised to travel as much as I could so I could forget what happened to us in the initial months we stayed here. Honestly, today I could still vividly remember those days. I want to delete it in my thoughts. I am partially succeding, so I just have to continue traveling perhaps more. I have more plans, and I want to visit over 250 cities in my lifetime, excluding those located in the Philippines and Norway. I want to learn more languages, and obtain more degrees. I know the road will be long and exhaustive, but I am moving slowly until that day comes.
Ups and downs. There were too many of them. Sometimes I just got to accept that sometimes I have to deal both at the same time. Like now, I know we still have a problem to solve, not just an ordinary problem, but that did not stop us from traveling or enjoying what we have. We just came home from Poland, as a birthday present to myself. I am tired because I worked this morning. Now, I am writing to reflect what I have done in the last three years. All of these do not just exist in my thoughts. I am doing something, even my life has been in a roller coaster in the past three years. The most crucial I guess is to do something beneficial even things go rough, or even in times of triumph and joy. Move. That is what life is about in the first place.