Starting Again Is Not Easy

At times, we fail and need a new start. The strength of the character of a person is measured on the steps taken to rectify mistakes and follow a new path towards the better. These actions are maybe associated with relationships, decisions and opportunities. Regardless of where new beginnings are required, it has never been easy for anyone.

In this blog, I will tackle three reasons why starting anew is8 not easy. This will make us aware of the complexity for us to fully understand and see how we could handle them.

Firstly, new beginnings are difficult because everyone assumes that learnings from the past mistakes will not be repeated. When one fails, one learns from the experience. People say the beauty of failures are these lessons, which will help us avoid the same mistakes in the future. However, a person failed because he or she had the difficulty before in avoiding the mistake and assuming that the same mistake will not be repeated is more theoretical than realistic.

For example, an alcoholic person may promised himself and others to abstain from drinking more alcohol after rehabilitation. However, we have also heard many of these rehabilitated individuals go back to the same vices again even though they were made aware from their experiences the consequences of the mistakes they have made in the past. It is not spontaneous that once a person has learned the lessons, he or she will incorporate these lessons in his or her lifestyle, such that people will expect the previous actions to be repeated again.

Secondly, new beginnings are not easy because many changes have occurred already from the first time one has started. The conditions upon starting before and the situations affecting the new opportunity maybe different, such that people must not assume the same results are to be expected. Time is a factor because things are more difficult to start again.

For example, a husband who have cheated his wife can change after promising not to do it again. He may try to convince himself, not to cheat again and love his wife the same way he did before, but this is difficult the second time around. The first time the husband met his wife, his wife had full trust on him. During that time, falling in love may be more spontaneous because the trust was not blemished as it is upon starting a new. Now, the husband may have hard time changing for the better, because he knows his wife will no longer trust him the same way his wife had before. In the long run, the husband may get exhausted from proving himself and reverting back to his old mistakes may find more comfort than pursuing changing for the better.

Does this mean that new beginnings are not possible? It is possible, but not as easy as we expect it to be. In the previous example, the wife must accept as well that a chance will be needed and constantly reminding her husband of his previous mistakes may not do good at all. It leaves the husband at a defensive and anxious stance to prove himself harder. No one wants to be in the same situation. When one gives another chance, one must also lower his or her expectations to allow room for change to occur, instead of pushing the other to change to the point of exhaustion and anxiety.

Thirdly, new beginnings are difficult because every beginning will make anyone initiating the change to feel anxious. One maybe given another chance, but no one can assure him or her that the outcomes of the new opportunity will be the same as expected. The fear of the unknown will make it very difficult for anyone to maintain a lifestyle, which embodies the lessons learned.

For example, when a student fails an exam, he or she may strive harder to study, but the effort exerted to study will never give him or her the guarantee that he or she could pass the next exam. The student may feel very anxious in the process of studying for the exam, which may hinder him or her to achieve he or she set for himself or herself. In the same way, a husband, who cheated may refrain himself in engaging in extra-marital affairs, but this does not assure him of getting the trust of his wife again. The anxiety produced from the experience will never be beneficial for the husband for no one would want to feel anxious for a long period of time. 

Lastly, everyone of us is expected to commit mistakes. We learn from the experience and deserve a second chance. However, the process of changing towards the better may not be very easy that doing the same mistake is highly probable. This does not just require the person requiring change to exert significant effort, but also the people surrounding him or her, especially the individuals to whom the mistake was made, to support and understand more the person who was given the second chance. A lowered expectation from everyone maybe needed to give a person a less difficult time to start again.:-)


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