Need of Peace of Mind
There is a point in our life when we meet several crossroads that force us to decide on matters we do not fully understand or expect. Worse, when these crossroads involve people and consequences that are totally out of our control. This results us to think so much and lose our peace of mind.
Peace of mind is a state of contentment and less anxiety. It does not guarantee certainty, but it characterizes acceptance of what may happen in the future, regardless of how it may affect a person. Peace of mind is attained as a sum of all experiences one have, either controllable or not. Thus, it is difficult to achieve, if the person is confronted so many uncertainties in various aspects of life, may it be family-related, relationships, career and self-worth.
This is what I feel right now. It would seem that every aspect of my life has challenges ahead. Although I consider myself as an optimist, but my coping skills seem to reach its limitation, as various things are happening simultaneously in a very short time. Perhaps I am no longer used to it, or maybe I have made the decision not to stress myself so much, such that when the time I am presented with uncertainties from multitude of sources, I am no longer prepared to handle it properly. Thus, now the state of peace seems to be elusive for me.
The good thing is I know there are solutions to my problems. As long as solutions are identified to problems, one must never lose hope. However, one must acknowledge that as one is encountering different problems, one loses his or her capacity to discern the best solutions to problems. This thought itself makes me more anxious. As a chronic planner myself, I do not want that objectivity in handling situation weakens, as controlling everything is my way of coping. For the time being, I trust the way I deal with stress and I think I am handling it sufficiently. However, I do not know if this would continue still in the near future.
Luckily, I still have my family and friends believing in me. Perhaps, this is the best gift I have in the yuletide season. I am with the individuals, who have the strongest faith on me and knew me well. This provides relief. However, given that I only have a vacation in a short period of time, these individuals will never understand fully what I am going through, especially the problems are linked to situations and events that happened in a foreign land. I hope they do understand, but I know even how much I try they will never fathom the depth of the problem, as expectations have changed during the period I was gone from home.
This is perhaps the reason why I cannot explain how I feel before coming back to my home country. It feels strange. I am no longer certain whether situations have changed, or I was the one who changed. Whether the change was for the better or worse, certainly change is something that involves adaptation and coping. Moreover, I fully understand myself, but the anxiety lies on the fact that people may not understand me fully, especially those who I expect to do so. This is perhaps the change I am not used to.
Now do I have to search for peace of mind? I know I do not have to. The only thing I have to do is live today. Peace of mind, is a question of what will happen in the future. It is an anxiety brought about by the events that has not happened yet. Although part of the problem is the change that is happening at present, but this feeling of uncertainty is due to thinking of what may happen. I know I cannot control the future. Instead, I just have to decide living today. Regardless of what the problem will be, I still have today to live. Perhaps thinking of today could ease the anxiety and attain peace of mind today. :-)