When I Suddenly Stop Worrying Anymore
Here comes a point in my life that I no longer worry about what the future brings. Ironically, I think of all possibilities and consequences my actions would bring but on this period of my life, most of the things I am concerned of are things that out of my control, I simply rest my mind and try to do the next course of action, regardless of its impact to myself and perhaps my immediate surroundings.
There are three reasons why I suddenly made up my mind not to worry and be less anxious about inevitable events in the present times and the immediate past as well.
1. I am now semi-numb of all the significant events that came.
Imagine all the aspects of your life being tested simultaneously, such that one loses focus on what to prioritize in a day. Physically, I am nearing the point of exhaustion, but I do not have a choice but to continue still. Living seems monotonous that mentally, I see no mental challenge for my thoughts and creativity to be triggered. On the other hand, emotionally, being away from my own culture makes me feel as a stranger in this foreign land no matter how I learn and integrate myself. I just realize the puzzle simply does not fit for now. Lastly, spiritually I am confused and nearing lost. I hope I got to feel my old self, who resists all negativities and set my mind positively.
2. I surrender to the idea that my experiences now are way beyond anyone's expectation.
Never in my wildest imagination that I would experience all these things. From a challenging start in my career to an unexpected turn of events warranting me to shift the course of my plans, this characterized my life in the last twelve months. Moreover, my mental capacity was put to test as I needed to take responsibility of several examinations simultaneously. In addition, there are processes in this foreign land that I got to experience that I never even did in my home country. In various government institutions, I gained awareness by chance or by surprise on seek either help or clarification and rely thereafter. This I did not expect for I myself am hesitant to undergo such processes. Interestingly, I know these processes have just started and may even become more serious in the coming months. This is something I need to do, so I hope God bless me.
3. I have come to a realization that my decisions were not actually life-changing, rather it was life itself changed me.
Prior to coming to Norway, I expected me making tough decisions grounded on objectivity and empirical indicators. However, this happened to a lower magnitude for life presented itself to me unexpected. The pressures and stress came just flowing, as if I am as strong as a flood gate in the midst of a rushing destructive overwhelming water current. Because of this, life has permanently changed my outlook and perspective. Me becoming more mature is perhaps an understatement, for I experienced the humanness of living. The realities that help one shape all patterns and even the values I got to learn since birth. At this point, I can only wish for an ease of things. I know I can tolerate more for I do not falter easily, but I would rather take things easy rather than be subjected to more stress and pressures.
No matter what happens, I would simply react and plan accordingly. I would hope that in time, I could finally say, I have taken full control again. I know it is not possible to do that, but everyone wants to put everything within the tips of our fingers, such that things unfold and happen within our expectations and thoughts. However, the truth simply is surprising for we can control, either our future or ideas or our plans; so why worry? We just need to accept that fact and be less weary to be happy. :-)