My sister: What keeps you going?
Yes, it has been a very tough two years we had together. It was not what I expected it to be. Yes, I regret some parts of it and if I could turn back time, the only thing I would do is to save you from future misery. If I could just do that, I would but I guess it is too late to undo what had happened. The damage has already been done. So now, I keep asking myself what else would provide you reasons to keep going.
It should never be your career. I know you that you actually do not care about status. You just want things to be stable. However, ironically this was the same reason that led us where we are now. Suddenly, you wanted to pursue a better-looking and non-exhaustive career. That was I guess was a bad choice after all, but you wanted it and even pushed yourself to it. But who knew then it was a bad choice? No one, even my intincts and objectivity failed to give me a good hint. In the end, you got it but you took a lot of risks on it. That was not good. That should not be the reason to keep you going.
You wanted always to become a millionaire. Money is, ofcourse, a good motivation. You buy many things for yourself and others, because you wanted to make them feel special. You wanted to travel but only stay in the hotel throughout the vacation. You wanted to pamper yourself and feel better. However, knowing what is happening, I would rather worry more than I become happy when you want more material things. It is not because I do not want you to desire money, but I know spending money is a sort of your personal cover-up. Stop that. That is totally incorrect and that should not keep you going.
You always say it is your family that keeps you going. Yes, I saw you sacrificed a lot for the whole family, even to the point of keeping your mouth shut of the things you have been experiencing. Yes, we are important but honestly most of your so-called failures are connected to us, your family. When you think of us, you get too emotional that you could not distinguish what is right from wrong. The emotional cloud blinds and even numbs you, just because of the thought that you need to protect us, your family from any worry, doubt, pain or anxiety. In exchange, you suffer and we become ignorant of what is happening. That is wrong. Thus, we should not be the primary reason to keep you going.
Being born on the month of February, your passion towards love and relationship is enormous. You easily feel pity when people do not get the emotional warmth they should get from the people surrounding them. Now, it seems you taking the moral obligation to make them feel that someone actually cares. You are caring person because you have so much love and care to give. However, your love is double-edged sword. It makes you happy, but devastates you as well. Your day is fine when you get the needed attention and understanding, but how many times had it happened that your happiness and freedom has been gone the moment that same love made your face frown? Love is not the answer. It is not what will keep you going.
In the end, after all of these things, you are to take care of yourself. The same self you sacrificed for your career, money, family and love. Yes, you need work, but your life does not revolve around it. Yes, you need money but you do not need money to cover up the mishaps in your life. Yes, you are doing everything for us, your family, but we have proven ourselves to be tough and resilient in difficult times. You do not need to protect us, we can manage ourselves; since we have learned the same thing. Yes, there is a reason to be worried about your children's future; but no one knows what the future will bring. You are also not alone in that struggle. Yes, you need someone to be with, a person who truly understands you and will hesitate to hurt you physically and emotionally. However, as I have always said, you always have a choice. That choice will keep you going. That is to love yourself more than anything else. It is tough and it might be tougher. Focus on what makes you happy, not what will make you look happy. Never be afraid of others, because there is a greater fear within yourself that you need to fear about. The fear of not being you, of living your life for others rather for yourself, and of not living your life as it should be.
You know that we love and truly care for you. We will always be there for you. Honestly, I miss the older sister I had before, care-free and jovial. You are still the same as you know. As you journey further in this life, you may not forget the things that have happened, but you should always remember what should keep you going? And that is loving yourself, you, my dear sister Doloures. We love you. Happy 31st birthday!