My sister: What keeps you going?

Yes, it has been a very tough two years we had together. It was not what I expected it to be. Yes, I regret some parts of it and if I could turn back time, the only thing I would do is to save you from future misery. If I could just do that, I would but I guess it is too late to undo what had happened. The damage has already been done. So now, I keep asking myself what else would provide you reasons to keep going.

It should never be your career. I know you that you actually do not care about status. You just want things to be stable. However, ironically this was the same reason that led us where we are now. Suddenly, you wanted to pursue a better-looking and non-exhaustive career. That was I guess was a bad choice after all, but you wanted it and even pushed yourself to it. But who knew then it was a bad choice? No one, even my intincts and objectivity failed to give me a good hint. In the end, you got it but you took a lot of risks on it. That was not good. That should not be the reason to keep you going.

You wanted always to become a millionaire. Money is, ofcourse, a good motivation. You buy many things for yourself and others, because you wanted to make them feel special. You wanted to travel but only stay in the hotel throughout the vacation. You wanted to pamper yourself and feel better. However, knowing what is happening, I would rather worry more than I become happy when you want more material things. It is not because I do not want you to desire money, but I know spending money is a sort of your personal cover-up. Stop that. That is totally incorrect and that should not keep you going.

You always say it is your family that keeps you going. Yes, I saw you sacrificed a lot for the whole family, even to the point of keeping your mouth shut of the things you have been experiencing. Yes, we are important but honestly most of your so-called failures are connected to us, your family. When you think of us, you get too emotional that you could not distinguish what is right from wrong. The emotional cloud blinds and even numbs you, just because of the thought that you need to protect us, your family from any worry, doubt, pain or anxiety. In exchange, you suffer and we become ignorant of what is happening. That is wrong. Thus, we should not be the primary reason to keep you going.

Being born on the month of February, your passion towards love and relationship is enormous. You easily feel pity when people do not get the emotional warmth they should get from the people surrounding them. Now, it seems you taking the moral obligation to make them feel that someone actually cares. You are caring person because you have so much love and care to give. However, your love is double-edged sword. It makes you happy, but devastates you as well. Your day is fine when you get the needed attention and understanding, but how many times had it happened that your happiness and freedom has been gone the moment that same love made your face frown? Love is not the answer. It is not what will keep you going.

In the end, after all of these things, you are to take care of yourself. The same self you sacrificed for your career, money, family and love. Yes, you need work, but your life does not revolve around it. Yes, you need money but you do not need money to cover up the mishaps in your life. Yes, you are doing everything for us, your family, but we have proven ourselves to be tough and resilient in difficult times. You do not need to protect us, we can manage ourselves; since we have learned the same thing. Yes, there is a reason to be worried about your children's future; but no one knows what the future will bring. You are also not alone in that struggle. Yes, you need someone to be with, a person who truly understands you and will hesitate to hurt you physically and emotionally. However, as I have always said, you always have a choice. That choice will keep you going. That is to love yourself more than anything else. It is tough and it might be tougher. Focus on what makes you happy, not what will make you look happy. Never be afraid of others, because there is a greater fear within yourself that you need to fear about. The fear of not being you, of living your life for others rather for yourself, and of not living your life as it should be.

You know that we love and truly care for you. We will always be there for you. Honestly, I miss the older sister I had before, care-free and jovial. You are still the same as you know. As you journey further in this life, you may not forget the things that have happened, but you should always remember what should keep you going? And that is loving yourself, you, my dear sister Doloures. We love you. Happy 31st birthday!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular This Week

Cebuano: The Language and The People

Image
Living in Norway for over 2 years, I have often encountered questions about the languages I speak. I usually answered I speak Norwegian, English and two Filipino languages. Then, people start asking if the second Filipino language is a dialect of the other. Given my mother tongue is Cebuano, the second language referred, I abruptly debunk the misconcept that it is a mere dialect. My most common explanation is that all Filipinos speak the Filipino language, but those who only learn to speak Filipino have difficult time understanding or communicating with one speaking Cebuano. Throughout the span of my childhood, I got to grasp the political and cultural differences of Filipinos speaking Filipino language or Tagalog as referred by most, and those coming from the Southern Philippines speaking Cebuano. The language in itself has become the boundary between the two groups of people. Due to their innate differences, misunderstandings result, not because of mere language confusion, but of cu
Read more

3 Comparisons Between Norwegian and Filipino Values

Image
I am entering my fifth year of residing in Norway. Many things have happened during this short period of time, both good and bad. However, one of that is worthy to highlight is how I realized the big contrast between prevailing values between Norwegian and Filipino cultures. I can only talk about these two in particular, although there are somehow similiraties between the Norwegian culture with those of coming from Europe, as well that with Filipino and other Asian societies. This blogpost will present three comparative points to exhibit the diversity of culture. COMPARISON 1 Norwegian: Able decide independently for oneself Filipino: To fight for what is most important Freedom and passion may not be on the same side always. Freedom is the ultimate virtue in the Norwegian culture. One may or may not be passionate of what Norwegians are doing, but most important is that they decided on them by themselves, such that no one has dictated on them what they are supposed to do.
Read more

Crab Mentality among Filipinos

Image
Many times people get accused of possessing the Filipino negative trait of crab mentality. It is  a state wherein people act like crabs when put inside a basket or a container, pull each other down for them to get out from it. One must further dissect the magnitude of the problem and reasons behind it to distinguish ways on how to deal with it and perhaps minimize it. One of my Facebook friend said that crab mentality among Filipinos is already a disease. The way she said it, it seems crab mentality can no longer be cured and is highly contagious. It is quite true because based on my observation, we can notice crab mentality everywhere. One time I made a comment in Youtube about one issue that lead some Filipino netizens to react. I was expecting they will provide further valuable insights about what I said. I have no problem with others disagreeing with my thoughts, given that everyone is entitled with their own thoughts. Suprisingly, one of those who commented, criticized my u
Read more

Debt of Gratitude: A Filipino Social Phenomenon

Image
"Scratch my back and I will scratch yours." - This describes the prevailing Filipino social phenomenon of debt of gratitude. It is an attempt of one to repay the other, who in the past had done something good or beneficial to him or her. This has been magnified by other social phenomena such as the continued emigration of Filipino workers outside the Philippines, such that remittances are actually in the form of payment to their families, as an expression of long-lasting debt of gratitude. This is just an example of how this phenomenon has shaped the Filipino society and culture. In this blogpost, an in-depth analysis will be made to showcase the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomena, as various concepts and ideas revolving around it are enumerated throughout the discussion. 1. It exists in any type of relationship; familial, working, spiritual and others. Because of man's social nature, there will be periods of self-sufficiency and vulnerability. During time
Read more

Bullying: A Part of Filipino Culture?

Image
Bullying became a hot topic in Norway today after a young teenager died of emaciation due to eating disorder that was primarily linked to anxiety from bullying at school. This was quite taboo in this Scandinavian country, given the nation is very keen on respecting socio-cultural differences and on protection against any form of discrimination. Discussions have been made on how to handle and prevent bullying and who takes the responsibility in these cases, whether the family, school or the State. Personally, I was not reacting in anyway as my mind says the concept is remote and almost impossible to happen in the Philippines. Perhaps, I was referring it to death, but not to bullying. However, after several days I was quite uneasy on the topic and further asked myself if I was ever bullied before and what it has caused me in the long-term basis. To my surprise, bullying was a crucial point in my childhood. My coping skills allowed me to hide in my consciousness what had happened
Read more

7 Reasons Why Many Filipinos are Good Singers

Image
One thing that makes me proud of being Filipino is that there are many good singers in our country. I am not saying that the Philippines has the best singers in the world, but it is obvious that many Filipinos have showed to the world the God-given talent they have. 1. Parents encourage their children to develop their singing talents Children singing old songs and acting as if the song fits them well. Love songs, rock, whatever genre songs maybe Filipino children can sing that. Some even report that children learn humming a melody before able to speak well. Ofcourse, parents are very crucial in the development of this talents. If a talent has been acknowledged at an early age, this provides time for child to improve his or her talent in singing. Watch the newly-launced TV show Voice Kids Philippines. 2. Competition helps produce more good singers The most-watched Television shows in the Philippines are singing competition. Most artists are discovered in these platform
Read more

Filipino Body Language

Image
Non-verbal communication is an essential part in a society, as well as understanding the values the community believe in. This reflects a good overview of how communication and tradition have evolved through time. These expressions are never constant, such that meaning changes from time to time, and is greatly affected by the events or the kind of environment one belongs in. Filipinos, being a society with mixed Asian and Western influences have unique facial and body expressions. These are the focus of this blogpost. 1. Silent stare Stares could mean evil look for Filipinos. It may indicate sarcasm or manipulation. It is considered rude to this, especially when in a conversation because it may also indicate disinterest or disrespect. 2. Lip/Eye pointing This is quiet funny gesture common not just in the rural areas, but also in urban communities. It is quiet hard to explain the direction in verbal language, so it is better to point them vaguely, interestingly with the use of lips,
Read more

10 Sociocultural Differences Between Norway and the Philippines

Image
Soon, I would mark my sixth year of living in Norway. It is difficult to sum up the past six years in few words. A lot of things I have experienced, and many people I have encountered. At least, I could say I have learned a lot during this period. However, what makes it more challenging for me as an immigrant in Norway is the contrast in cultures and social norms between my home country, the Philippines and Norway. Both countries were ranked high in different survey of happiness, depending on how happiness is defined on these surveys. And this concept of happiness is reflected in the norms in both countries. In this blogpost, I would enumerate ten of these cultural differences. 1.         Love for nature I could say that both Philippines and Norway have been blessed with beautiful landscapes. Philippines is known for its beaches, while Norway has fjords giving way to beautiful unique sceneries not found in other countries. However, there is a big difference betwee
Read more

Autumn: The Season is Changing

Image
It is getting colder in Oslo, Norway. Yesterday, it was about 11 degrees Celsius at two in the afternoon. I was wearing a thin jacket, which I used in some days during the summer, especially when it rained. It was sufficient to keep me warm as the wind blows more strongly than it had been in the past weeks. Leaves are falling from tree branches, and they start changing colors from green to yellow, red or brown. These are all signs of the beginning of autumn. Personally, this is just my fourth autumn experience in my entire 28 years of existence. The first one was last 2013, when I came in Norway as an attempt to be more mature in my perspectives and to search for better opportunities. I was not accustomed with the weather. It was quite new, and even until now I do not know what to expect in fall. In my head, I associate with beginnings, uncertainties, challenges and attempts. This has perhaps characterized what I have gone through in my first three autumn seasons. This year is perhaps
Read more

The Misunderstood Cebuanos

Image
I tell to most of my friends that I actually do not speak Filipino as my mother language. Ofcourse, the most natural question I get is what language do I speak? I answer Cebuano and explain that it is the second most spoken of the Philippine language. It is not a dialect, and the people that speaks it are popularly known as Cebuanos. However, due to the cultural and linguistic diversity among groups in the Philippines, misunderstanding occur very often. And this blogspot is all about the often misunderstood Cebuanos. Fatalism, Realism and Resilience The Cebuano has undergone a lot of bad things in the past. Cebuanos in the southern island of Mindanao could be followers of Islam or belong to an indigenous group. Being part of another religious and cultural group could mean oppression by a larger group. The Spaniards and Americans tried to suppress any resistance in the group. When the country became independent, co-Filipinos in Manila oppressed and associated the Cebuano cu
Read more