This Autumn is Different
The last three autumn seasons were not as it is this year. I do not know but I guess things have changed. I honestly do not know if it is for the better or for the worse. I came to Norway also during autumn season and since then I associate this season with beginnings and risks. There are still uncertainties, but this year is quite different. This will be the focus of this personal blogpost.
It is not about me anymore.
Long before when October comes, I always think about myself. In the first place, it is the time just after birthday. I wanted to start anew and become better. I look forward to how I would want to feel better during the Christmas season, especially in the Philippines. However, now things may have changed. I can say I am contented with what I have, but I aspire greater from what I am having right now. However, that seems not the focus of my attention. It is rather on others. I am more worried about others. I know I can do what I need to do. I am determined and tough, but not all people are like that. I am boring person perhaps too dedicated with my personal goals, such that I could easily adapt and justify my actions according to changes to achieve those goals in the end. But, most people are not. Many are vulnerable and are easily distracted to the things that surprises them. That is something I think at times.
I should actually feel better for myself. I am growing old and learning a lot on life and on myself. Others are doing so, but I guess I am lucky or blessed to endure hardships and challenges before that I have more self-confidence today to weather whatever ahead. I have fears ofcourse but I guess I accepted the fact those fears exist and they need to experienced at one time, but later conquered after sometime. I worry and think a lot. I actually have a lot of plans for myself, but now the tides are shifting from my self to others. I think always of those who are nearest and closest to me. When they are unstable in their lives and endeavours, I fear for them. Sometimes, I wonder if they anticipate the outcomes of their decisions and current actions. I hope I can do something better for them to ease their situations, but I know I have limitations myself, and that I recognize.
The change is more meaningful.
Autumn is about change. The season brings a special feeling of longing for summer and anticipation of the cold dark winter nights. Before, I see autumn as a mere season I need to pass through. A time composed of days and hours, not bounded of meaning and purpose. I just think before that if things do not work, they do because they are meant to. It is for us to adapt to it. However, currently, I see change more with meaning. Time is something to be treasured. It is not just something to be used, but to be cherished. Everything should be treasured and appreciated as soon as possible. No one should let time pass without using it for a greater purpose or at least for happiness. Time is not just gold because it is a non-renewable precious resource, but time is a medium for us fulfill what makes us more of a person, a responsible individual.
The last autumn was not so significant as well in my career. I know I am doing something, but I know the change would be minimal to give me the needed thrust and momentum in Norway, my second home. I work because I need to gain experience and ofcourse money to pay my billss, but I do not see before my work would give me something better in return as a professional. Now, I see everything as an opportunity to lift my career. I acknowledge that the future is just within my grasp. Whatever I do now will define who will be in the near future. The road is no longer long and winding. It is visible and clear. The question is no longer if I could achieve, but a question on how I would do it. That makes the journey and the process of change attached to it more meaningful.
The perspective is more universal.
I recognize I have progressive socialistic ideas. I even write on it in my blog. I hate when people create differences between people, especially when this affects treatment and opportunities of people. Everyone should be treated fairly and one's decision must be respected no matter what. No religion or morality must stand as a hindrance to that, especially when the individual simply wants to be happy. I abhor institutions and entities who use white lies, political forums just to insist their beliefs and interests. I have realized it is wrong to use one to attain something in return. This is quite different from where I stood before. There were instances that in one way or another, I have stepped unto people and became a hindrance for others to do what I think is right and necessary. Those circumstances were quite controversial, and even some of them I regret from happening.
Today, I am more aware of my role. My role should not involve any manipulation of one's decision or make use of one's influence to push for a change, either positive or negative. Now, I respect more the right for self-determination. This is above every right. This is universal to allow an individual to choose the path he or she wants to take. No one has the position or right to judge another based on their perception and miopic interpretation. The words and actions we even make sjould not be used to give an impression of who we really are. One's actions and words do not necessarily represent the whole individual himself or herself. The individual has choices, and so his or her choices should not be harmful to others and at the same time be genuinely respected by others.
This season I had a lot of time to think and reflect of what has happened or is occurring. I look forward to the next autumn season. By that time, I would have turned thirty. It would also be my fifth autumn. I honestly do not know what will happen from now and the next autumn. Just like leaves falling in autumn, I know something will happen. That is expected, but the thrill remains whether what will happen will give me further the inspiration to strive, or a reason to be work harder and better. I remain optimistic. Next autumn will be way different from now. It will be way more better.