Same Person: Just Two Years Apart

Few days ago, I have browsed some of the notes that I have written several years ago. I have come across with an interesting note I wrote 8th of December 2019, two years ago. Quite interestingly, I started writing along the lines I wrote then. I realized the change that happened during that span of time. This is the content of this blogpost.

The red one were written last 8th of December 2019.
The blue one were written today, 10th of December 2021.

It took awhile before I woke up.
It was a long journey before I realized everything.
In the last few days, everything seems vague and foggy.
I never expected everything became clear and concrete in the last few months.
I was not prepared for the last blast.
I never expected I was strong enough to withstand all of it.
It was hard and mind-blowing.
It was easy afterall. It was quite logical. One can never force lies to be facts.
It made me think the amount of time wasted.
I think I wasted time a bit. I acknowledge that.
Is this really what life has to offer?
Well, life is unpredictable. Most important is that I learned.
Not bad actually, but it is far from what I thought.
Nothing is worse than truth. It is just as it is. Nothing else.
Nothing is absolute. Everything changes.
We all change. "We" includes others, and so I. Yes, I change too.
Was I ignoring a lot when my focus was quite fixated?
I still have the tendency to be fixated, but I am more vigilant.
How did it happen? I never thought that was possible.
People could hurt me, but worse is when I allow them to hurt me.
I am thinking of others, and I forgot myself.
I am not egoist. I still want to take care of others, but now, I see myself.
I thought if I do so, I would get more for myself.
The greatest task we have is to take care of ouself regardless of others.
Hard truth - no. You think first of what you have.
Simple truth. What we do not have is something we could not share.
Then let others just supplement what you had.
We need others, but still we should never be dependent of them.
Whatever they do is their choice.
We should choose to prioritize ourselves.
It might hurt you but if you knew what you need.
Others could choose to hurt us, but we choose to allow them or not.
Then you are still fine. You're hurt but still standing tall.
We do not have to tolerate such actions. We can say no or stop.
It might feel unbearable but later you will tolerate more.
We do not need to torture ourselves. We should be free as we deserve.
I will not be cynical for I am not one.
I do not need to cynical, because that is not who I am.
I will smile still because deep inside I know who I am
I know what I deserve, and I am very satisfied of whoever I am.
I will smile because I am complete even without someone.
I do not need to force people to like me, because I am who I am.
I will make it through. I feel it.
I endure things, because that is my strength since then.
Disillusions are shattered, and so this is reality.
My resilience is impressive such whatever hard truth, I could bear.
Reality makes me complete and strong.
I am who I am today because of the experiences and decisions I make.


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